Elegy For A Blackout

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no—it was crazy. nothing? you don’t remember
anything? you don’t remember kissing jenny? you don’t
remember her boyfriend storming out, car starting, 
him drunk inside? you don’t remember lying in the street?
you don’t remember knocking over the salsa? you don’t
remember eating the streetlight? you don’t remember
corey crying at the bottom of the well? you don’t remember
laughing at him? you don’t remember crawling 
up the basement stairs, into a church, into a child? 
you don’t remember collapsing on the roof 
at the sight of the moon?
you don’t remember begging the clown to take his makeup off,
tell you 
everything is going to be okay? 
you dont remember becoming a graceful shard of glass, 
seeing through yourself, for once relieved at what you saw? 
you dont remember apologizing to the baby picture 
of yourself on the fridge for two hours? 
you don’t remember sleeping between two sticky magazine pages? 
you don’t remember your mother 
descending from some dense cloud overhead to tell you 
you will be forgiven 
for tonight, for all of this?

do you remember holding your own hands as if they did not belong to you
do you remember how they tried to hurt you how tightly
you held yourself do you remember dipping your toe into the pool of lava
at the mouth of the volcano before swan-diving in, disrupting the
zipper teeth of sarah’s favorite cardigan, dissecting the bars from the
xylophone, playing dominoes with the rainbow of pieces do you remember
how beautiful the sound when they fell do you remember becoming
a question large enough to swallow the whole room, your friends
knocking around inside, fists beating against your walls do you remember
filling the rabbit hole with dirt, everyone down there now trapped forever do
you remember being jealous of them locked in the dark & the warmth 
do you remember wanting to live? 
do you remember wanting to live?
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About Kate Monica

Kate Monica is a college kid in Connecticut. She has been published in theNewerYork, Electric Cereal, Hart House Review, the Long River Review, The Quietus, Holey Scripture, Control Literary Magazine, and others. Her first collection of poetry, Nervous Universe, is forthcoming from Electric Cereal this summer. She's probably had like six cups of coffee so far today. View all posts by Kate Monica

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