Has it really been 30 years since Bible Camp? Isn’t Facebook the best?!
That summer was the best one of my life!
How are you now? I bet you’re married with a bunch of kids!
I married Ronny from church and we’ve got three great kids, two boys and a girl.
They keep me hopping, I’ll tell you.
What are you up to?
I’m so happy you wrote back!
People call you Bob now? That sounds so OLD!
I always think about you as Bobby.
What a coincidence that you wrote to me today
cuz just last night I dreamed that we got married, can you believe it?!
Sometimes I wonder what my kids would be like
if you and me stayed together after Bible Camp and you were their dad.
I bet they would be sweet like you.
I took a King Size Twix break just thinking about it!
I can’t believe you don’t remember how much we loved King Size Twix!
That was totally our thing!
I figured you were on vacation or something cuz it took so long
to hear back from you, maybe you were on a cruise or something.
I’ve always wanted to go on a cruise,
have you been?
I hear they have a 24 hour buffet, is that even possible?!
I was thinking of going on one of those Biggest Loser cruises,
do they have those?
Well if you want a stroll down memory lane,
Costco sells the King Size Twix in big boxes
so you don’t have to keep going back to buy more.
I pray every night for Jesus to help me lose weight.
I would love to be thin like when we were a couple!
Wouldn’t that be sexy?
I’m sorry it took me a few days to respond.
When I got your email, I cried and cried and couldn’t get out of bed. I said I was sick
but Ronny just called me a dumb bitch like always
and told me to get the kids fed or he’d get the belt
He’s mostly kidding
these days. It’s been a few years since I’ve made him that mad.
Bobby I’ve been praying really hard and I don’t think
Jesus wants you to be a homosexual.
Why do you think you’re that way? Did this guy you said is your boyfriend tell you that?
I’m not perfect, my savior knows, but I know
you don’t have to be what someone sez you are.
have to let sin into your life if Jesus is with you.
I told you
what happened in the boys’ cabin the year after we were a couple, right?
That was cuz I let sin into my life.
They went one by one on me
and I remember seeing that ratty wooden floor and thinking how
sweet you are and would never do that to me.
Did I ever tell you about that?
The camp nurse tried to take me to a counselor, but I knew
it was just boys being boys.
What I mean is that I have a sense for this stuff.
I would have known when you were my boyfriend
if you were a homosexual,
you don’t have to do this.
It just makes me sick to my stomach to picture you miserable and wasting
your sacred love in that kind of sin.
Well it’s been a few weeks and I guess I’m never gonna hear from you again.
We’re still Facebook friends so I guess you don’t
but I spoze I understand if you do. I’m still crying alot
since you told me that you think you’re homosexual
Our summer at camp was the best my life has ever been.
I mean, I love my kids
– only a horrible mother doesn’t love her kids –
but I worry about them.
My oldest called me a dumb bitch last week.
He apologized to me the next day which made me so happy I cried
and made him feel bad I think.
I just hope he’ll find a good religious girl who knows
to do what her man sez and stay out of trouble.
I know when guys do with guys
(gosh that’s hard to say)
that one of them is the woman, is that you Bobby?
Maybe that’s why we got along so well. Heck
maybe I’m a lesbian like Ellen! Ha! Can you imagine?! Ronny would shit a brick.
Maybe I should tell him just to see if I can get a rise out of him.
I’m sorry you haven’t written back, I’m sure I said something stupid
– I’m always doing that.
I’m hoping that you and me can still be friends tho.
Jesus teaches us not to judge and
He was friends with criminals and murderers, right?
So I won’t judge your choices, and I guess I won’t think about
us rekindling our love anytime soon either.
OK, I’ll stop babbling.
I hope I hear from you.
I guess getting un-friended on Facebook is a pretty clear message.
I don’t even know if this message will get to you but
I’m sorry I made you mad and
I’m sorry we can’t be friends
But it’s OK,
my life is pretty full and we wouldn’t have worked out anyway
But even if you hate me now, I’m still gonna pray for you Bobby.
I’m gonna pray for both of us.